The Art of Adaptation

On Friday October 23rd I was admitted to the hospital to receive a course of IV Acyclovir, a powerful antiviral medication used in this case, to treat a rare condition of the eye called ARN - Acute Retinal Necrosis. The standard method of pharmacological treatment is IV Acyclovir for 14-21 days. The most common method of administering IV medications is through temporary lines known as peripheral lines. These are temporary sites that are often placed in the hands or arms. After two doses of this medication my arm became red and irritated. These medications are so caustic that they literally burn your veins out. By the end of my 5 day stay I had a total of 4 sites that had been used. I was averaging about two and half doses of meds per a line. The site locations had become a variety of bruised colors including black, blue, and yellow.

From the date of admission the goal was to have a peripherally inserted central catheter or PICC line placed into my arm so I could receive this medication on an at home basis. A PICC is inserted in a peripheral vein, such as the cephalic vein, basilic vein, or brachial vein and then advanced through increasingly larger veins, until the tip rests in the distal superior vena cava or cavoatrial junction. That's a fancy way of saying it runs up my arm and hangs above my heart. For obvious reasons you may imagine why I was less than psyched to have this inserted into my arm. While it was presented to me as very common practice with little risk or complication something in me felt a bit weary.

On the day the PICC was placed I had black and blues all over my arms from the temporary lines. I knew from having the PICC placed that this would eliminate any further damage to my arms. Additionally you do not feel the burning sensation from the meds as they enter the bloodstream as you do with the peripheral lines. A special PICC line nurse arrived to my room to do the procedure. This is all she does, PICC lines. Reassured that she has done this once or twice was helpful in alleviating some of my anticipation. The room was cleared and was made sterile with only my arm exposed. The rest of the procedure was a bit of a haze as I had my eyes closed. As for how she technically got that thing in there, unknown. However the sensations it created were very clear.

There was a bit of a snafu with the original entry site, which meant she had to try again. I lay as a child sitting in a car on a very long ride to grandma's house wondering if we were there yet. I could feel her literally threading something into my arm. It's an odd sensation. The whole process took about an hour. I was relieved that it was in and also that she was happy with her work. When we were done the nurse asked me, "How was it?". I replied, "Honestly, it was a bit traumatizing." I think she was a bit taken by my honesty. She had never had a PICC inserted into her.

Twenty four hours from the insertion of the line I am discharged and ready to self administer IV Acyclovir on an at home basis. Initially I am concerned with how I am going to be able to handle this. While I would much prefer to be at home, there was something comforting in knowing the nurses had a handle on all of this stuff. I find my mind running into all kinds of imagined places. When I get home I am greeted by a visiting nurse to help coach me with the home process. I jumped right into it and was relieved to see how simple it was. I was further relieved to have gained some perspective on my own situation. Perspective is a great tool that I continue to harness on this Journey for LIFE. Learning about what many people have to endure while these lines are part of them helped me see that my situation is quite manageable.

On this day I am writing day 16 I appear from a medical vantage to be responding well. This experience has forced me to adapt to a new regimen. The most prominent piece is staying consistent with taking my meds. I am required to take them every 8 hours, 3 x a day. Also having my arm taped up forces me to use my body in new ways. Simple tasks like taking a shower become a more involved process but leave me with a sense of appreciation for this situations impermanence. I see it as 4 weeks out of a long LIFE ahead of me. If I live to about 80 years that would be about 29,200 days on this worldly plane. To comply with change for 21 days is no sweat!

Often we deny change to struggle with it. This denial creates more discomfort in a situation that may already come with inherit discomforts. If I had chosen to invest all my mental energy in irrational behavior about my current circumstance I would have left myself open to another layer of suffering. When suffering, pain, and distress arise I try to remember what I have learned thus far on my journey. I call this the Art of Adaptation. Its an art because it requires a special skill set, one that is finely honed with the awareness of life experience.

Your life is forever in a state of flux, so how do you choose to respond to life's difficulties? It is when we get hit with big change in one of the major aspects of our life that we can truly step back, observe and listen to the pain. When you reach beyond its hard external shell you can find the healing. Conflict arises when we attempt to create some sort of homogenized existence. Our culture is great at teaching us this. Most of us have learned this way of being all of our lives. It is acceptance of the moment rather than resistance of the moment. It is an innate understanding that you and I are completely cared for outside of the places the social mind might dwell.